Chapter 64: Still Not Learning the Lesson, or Not Enough Pain...
Her mother's earnest teachings resonated deeply, tightening the already precarious string in Yan Xuerui's heart. She lowered her eyelashes and softly assented, "Mhm."
"I understand."
Knowing her daughter's strong will, Mother Yan made her point gently and didn't press further. She simply patted Yan Xuerui's hand, sighing, "As long as you know what you're doing, that's good."
Yan Xuerui had her foster parents stay for a meal. With their impending departure, the atmosphere was especially warm. After they left, Yan Xuerui gazed at the vast palace hall, feeling a sudden emptiness within.
Her foster parents were about to set off back to Yangzhou.
At this hour, the emperor was taking his afternoon nap. Even after waking, he would be busy with state affairs. Knowing her place and understanding propriety, she wouldn’t rashly disturb him.
Ming Lan was currently on duty outside the palace gates.
Ming Wei and Young Slave were at the marquis' estate. Ming Wei suffered from the summer heat, and Young Slave was fond of mischief. She wondered how the two children were faring.
Though Yan Xuerui’s life had been fraught with hardship, even during what could be considered the most "straitened" times at the Yan family in Jiangnan, she had never worried about food or clothing. The luxuries of the palace meant little to her.
She missed her children.
Ming Lan’s words, her mother’s teachings, the innocent and somewhat naive Ming Wei, the crying-to-be-fed Little Young Slave—Yan Xuerui closed her eyes, feeling two opposing forces within her heart subtly tilting toward one side.
At that moment, Bi He directed several eunuchs carrying an intricately carved ice basin across the threshold. A cool mist drifted from the basin, dispelling the summer's oppressive heat.
"You there, wrap the ice basin in soft satin."
Bi He stood with one hand on her hip, radiating authority. As the saying goes, when one person rises, their dependents benefit. Bi He had suffered on her account some time ago, and Yan Xuerui intended to compensate her. Bi He had not entered the palace as an ordinary maid but as a female official with rank.
"Your Highness, your constitution is cold; you shouldn’t use too much ice."
Bi He held up her pale pink skirt and hurried up the steps. Her lively, youthful tone temporarily dispelled the emptiness in Yan Xuerui’s heart.
Yan Xuerui handed her a handkerchief to wipe her sweat and said with a gentle smile, "I’m not made of paper; I’m not that delicate."
In truth, it had been many years since she last used an ice basin.
It wasn’t that they couldn't afford ice basins at the Marquis of Jingyuan’s estate; Gu Yan found them too cold and forbade it. Even during the hottest summers, they used bamboo mats, jade pillows, or fans. No one dared bring ice to the main residence.
Yan Xuerui had argued with Gu Yan about this for a long time, but he was dictatorial, and in the end, she was no match for his stubbornness. Now that she had finally escaped his control, when the Imperial Household Department sent someone to ask if Changle Palace wanted ice, Yan Xuerui immediately agreed.
A refreshing coolness permeated her very core. Yan Xuerui narrowed her eyes contentedly. In that moment, it wasn’t just relief from the summer heat but a long-lost feeling of unconstrained freedom.
Bi He, however, frowned and circled the ice basin that was giving off a chill. The ice blocks were wrapped in a layer of soft satin, which significantly took the edge off the cold.
She advised, "Your Highness, perhaps we should place it outside the hall. This servant can fan you instead."
Having spent many years at the marquis' estate, where Madam Yan’s frail health was well-known, Bi He didn’t dare take any chances.
Yan Xuerui waved her hand dismissively. "No need. It’s just one basin; I can handle it."
The nobility were past masters at luxury. In the summer, they placed ice basins in all four corners of their rooms, creating a world of difference from the scorching heat outside. Even the elderly emperor had two basins. Yan Xuerui felt it would be fine.
Unable to persuade her, Bi He quietly moved the ice basin farther from the bed. Yan Xuerui let down her dark hair and reclined on the soft couch, half-closing her eyes in thought. Noticing she was lightly dressed, Bi He fetched a thin Shu brocade blanket and carefully wrapped it around her waist and abdomen.
...
She never would have thought that in the dead of night, the Changle Palace would be brightly lit. Palace maids hurried in and out carrying copper basins. Yan Xuerui lay curled under gold-thread embroidered satin quilts, her jet-black hair cascading like a waterfall. Several strands, damp with cold sweat, clung to her cheeks, which were flushed with a sickly faint red, beautiful yet fragile.
"Physician, what’s wrong with Her Highness?"
Bi He waited on her anxiously, heavy-hearted with worry. The elderly physician with a graying beard felt Yan Xuerui’s pulse and said, "Her Highness’s pulse is floating, and her skin is cool and sluggish. These are signs of cold invasion."
"Has Her Highness recently consumed anything cold?"
Yan Xuerui knew her body was cold-natured; even the water she drank was warm. The only cold thing... was that single ice basin from the afternoon.
She couldn't help but give a wry smile and truthfully recounted everything.
It was just a basin of ice. She had used it in her youth without any issues. She didn’t realize that over the long years, Gu Yan had nurtured her into a delicate state, no longer able to withstand such cold.
Suddenly indulging herself, with worries weighing on her mind, internal heat meeting external cold, coupled with residual toxins in her body, had led to her current condition.
Fortunately, she was now in the Changle Palace, where she held the highest status, and no one could blame her. The physician prescribed a remedy, offered a few words of advice, and withdrew. Bi He, looking remorseful, leaned over to wipe the cold sweat from Yan Xuerui’s forehead.
"Your Highness, your health is paramount. From now on, I'll fan you. You must never use ice again."
She deeply regretted not stopping her earlier.
It wasn’t Bi He’s fault; it was her own. Yan Xuerui managed a weak smile and said, "Good girl, it’s not your fault."
"Go... keep an eye on the medicine. I don’t trust anyone else to do it."
Bi He nodded hurriedly, tucked Yan Xuerui in, and swiftly made her way to the imperial pharmacy. Typically, medicinal decoctions for palace nobles were prepared in the imperial pharmacy. For high-ranking nobles, such as Empress Xu, there were side halls in Fengyi Palace where they could prepare their own medicine, similar to a "small kitchen," which was more secure.
In principle, Yan Xuerui, as the "favored" Princess Changle, should have had such arrangements. However, she was new to the palace, and the side halls hadn’t been properly set up yet. Not wanting to draw too much attention, she hadn’t made any arrangements. During her days in the palace, the rear court appeared calm on the surface, but its intricacies were far more complex than those of the marquis' estate.
First, there were the maids and eunuchs. The palace was a place where people judged others by their status, flattering those in favor and disparaging those who weren't. As the favored Princess Changle, many came to the Changle Palace to curry favor, among them spies trying to fish in troubled waters. With nearly a hundred people in the palace, including cleaning eunuchs, Yan Xuerui had weeded out a few, but she couldn’t fully trust the remaining ones.
Spies were one thing; with the sudden appearance of a "Princess Changle," the various palace consorts were inevitably curious. Yan Xuerui understood that these people might not necessarily harm her. Her only concern was Empress Xu. Having shared a bed with Gu Yan for many years, she knew Empress Xu’s temperament. Even though the emperor didn’t like her, she had held her position as empress for years—a formidable figure.
Whenever she joined the emperor for breakfast, besides chatting about Yangzhou and her childhood, she occasionally brought up court affairs. Gu Yan’s relationship with the crown prince was now subtle, not as close as before, and the emperor was pleased with this development.
As the daughter of Imperial Consort, she had old grudges with the Xu family. Coupled with her connection to Gu Yan, her position was even more awkward. In short, Yan Xuerui could sense that Empress Xu, as the central palace ruler, did not like her.
She was also careful not to provoke Empress Xu. When summoned by Empress Xu, she declined if possible. If she couldn’t avoid it, she used the emperor as an excuse. These days of intrigue in the palace had not left her at a disadvantage, but they were exhausting.
Especially when plagued by illness, the only reliable person by her side was Bi He. In her dazed state, Yan Xuerui actually began to miss the marquis' estate—the dependable servants, the kind mother-in-law, the filial children, and those large hands with thin calluses that had once brought her fear.
But also a sense of security.
"Mother, why do you want to divorce Father?"
"Rui Er, you and your husband have been married for nearly twenty years. Has it really come to this?"
"Want a divorce? Dream on!"
"..."
Phrases like incantations echoed in her ears. Yan Xuerui frowned deeply, her thick dark lashes fluttering like broken butterfly wings. A breeze lifted the gauze curtains, bringing a chill.
Had Bi He left the window open earlier... Wait? That’s not right!
Yan Xuerui’s eyes suddenly cleared. She distinctly remembered the window being closed.
The flame on the gilded candlestick flickered violently. Yan Xuerui struggled to sit up. Sure enough, at the threshold, a tall, broad shadow slanted inward, covering most of the palace hall. Under the night light, it appeared particularly eerie.
"Gu Yan?"
Yan Xuerui clutched the brocade quilt and curled up, her delicate, pale fingertips turning white from the pressure.
Silence hung in the air.
Yan Xuerui wasn’t afraid. At this hour, the only person bold enough to break into the palace chambers was Gu Yan. She whispered, "Come in quickly. Be careful not to be seen."
Compared to a few days ago, her tone had softened slightly, but Gu Yan, in a rage, didn’t pay close attention.
He paced slowly out of the shadows, dressed in black, his sharp, deep phoenix eyes like pools of frozen ice, his expression sinister and oppressive.
His footsteps were light, neither hurried nor slow, yet they pounded like war drums against Yan Xuerui’s heart. Her throat tightened, and she unconsciously wet her lips.
"Gu Yan?"
Her voice echoed eerily in the empty hall.
"You... what’s the matter with you today?"
Gu Yan didn’t respond. Compared to her slender frame, he towered over her. Step by step, he advanced toward her, imposing an immense pressure on her.
Instinctively, Yan Xuerui curled her legs and scooted further back on the bed. Gu Yan watched coldly, silently flicking his robe aside to sit at the edge of the bed. With a long arm, he seized her slender wrist and effortlessly dragged her out.
"What are you hiding from?" he said coldly. "What guilty conscience are you keeping that you fear seeing your husband?"
His chest was as hard as iron. Yan Xuerui frowned in discomfort. "Gu Yan, you’re hurting me."
In the past, whenever she said it hurt, Gu Yan would lighten his grip. But this time, it didn’t work. He let out a cold laugh, his large hand clamping down on her slender waist, pressing her tightly against him.
Through gritted teeth, he said, "You haven’t learned, or it’s just not painful enough."
Otherwise, how could she repeatedly test his patience? When Gu Yan learned that her visit that day wasn’t to reconcile but for Fang Zhixu’s sake, he shattered his beloved sandalwood desk, consumed by fury.
He would make sure she never forgot.
Only pain would make her fear. He could give her everything, but he would never tolerate her infidelity!
It was his fault. Hadn’t he long since decided? He only wanted her person, not her heart. Yet now, in middle age, he had started wanting more.
See, the result was that the moment he relaxed, not only did he fail to win her heart, but she nearly ran off with another man. Gu Yan’s eyes darkened. He should have locked her tightly in his room, her crystal-like eyes seeing only him, locked up till she died!
What was love anyway? Did Gu Yan need such a thing? A joke.
Gu Yan’s fury rocked him to his core. In that moment, his prized composure and self-control vanished. He even considered disregarding the court, their children, and his mother, simply declaring Princess Changle "dead from a sudden illness" so she would belong to him completely.
He had seriously contemplated it until his spies in the palace reported that she was ill.
The intense fury was as if doused with a splash of water—far from extinguished, but enough to restore Gu Yan’s rationality.
No matter how misbehaved she was, Gu Yan thought, she must live a long life, staying by his side forever.
Yan Xuerui didn’t know the details, but she keenly sensed something was wrong with Gu Yan. She stopped struggling and asked softly, "Marquis... are you injured? There’s a smell of blood on you."
"Does Princess Changle not know?" Gu Yan replied with a sarcastic smile. "Today, there were suddenly many guards outside Changle Palace. I thought Princess Changle had specially arranged them to keep me out."
Yan Xuerui’s face went pale, then flushed. She bit her lip and whispered, "How could the Marquis think that? It’s a misunderstanding, truly."
Clearly, the guards hadn’t stopped him. Gu Yan scoffed, uninterested in her explanation. He untied a flask from his waist, uncorked it, and held it to Yan Xuerui’s lips.
"Drink."
Yan Xuerui crinkled her nose slightly. A strong smell of blood wafted from the flask, and she finally realized where the earlier scent had come from.
Gu Yan wasn’t injured—it was the medicine, Princess Pingyang!
Yan Xuerui’s face instantly turned pale, and she recoiled. "I don’t want it."