“Why?”
“…Well, the reason is similar to what I told you yesterday.”
“What.”
“You know, that I might change job someday.”
The same statement as yesterday, yet hearing it once again was twice the displeasure. Right in the company’s President’s face, no less!
“And it may not work out as well as I think. Then, I will need my network of mutual acquaintances to work hard as a subcontractor.”
“……”
“If I change my number, it will be most cumbersome for the clients…”
Si-Jin glared down at Na-Yool as though wanting to say something, but eventually remained silent. It was because Na-Yool, although she sounded composed, still looked rather distressed.
He quietly sat next to her. Na-Yool could not help but bury her head even further down as a wave of all sort of feelings overwhelmed her. Shame, frustration, anger, disgust…
It was enough to feel wronged and sad on her own, so why did this man have to know everything? There were good things he did not know about too, but why would only the bad ones she never wanted him to see… The more Na-Yool developed good feelings towards Si-Jin, the angrier she was at the nasty incidents that kept happening to her.
She already had so many shortcomings, could life not give her some slack? Is it not enough? Dejected, Na-Yool inwardly muttered to herself. At least in private, she wanted to hold her head high and be his equal. The idea was sort of ridiculous, considering that she was already dependent of his house. But it also was what made her anxious to not having found a new place yet.
Maybe their relationship would not last, but she had not felt this way in a long time. This feeling of certainty, too. She did not want to ruin it. In any way. Even more so with something which was not her own fault…
“Don’t cry.”
“I am not crying.”
“You look like you’re about to.”
“I am not…”
In the end, Na-Yool buried her face in her palms and shed a few tears. Si-Jin’s hand awkwardly patted her back. Maybe it was a first for him, maybe not.
You womanizer… Na-Yool sniffled.
“…Hands off. What if someone sees?”
Si-Jin withdrew his hand like an obedient child. Na-Yool abruptly raised her eyes wet with tears to glare at him.
“Why do you stop just because I told you? Aren’t I crying!”
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“…I don’t know. I really have no idea…”
Na-Yool herself was stumped for words. What a dreadful life. She wanted to beat herself with a pillow or something, while self-cursing that she is an annoying bitch so blind she dated a hopeless trash. But right now she could not do a thing.
Si-Jin heaved a seemingly tired sigh.
Yeah, he must be tired of it all. Na-Yool thought. After all, he had suffered her ex-boyfriend’s various nonsense even before they started dating, and had now to deal with it at the police station…
“I’ll let you go in 3 seconds.”
“Wha- what if someone really sees—”
“3, 2, 1. Done.”
Si-Jin tightly held her body into his arms for exactly 3 seconds. Only after he promptly released her did Na-Yool blinked at the absurdity of his forceful act.
“What are you doing, really…!”
“You’re not crying anymore.”
“We are at work, how can you just hug—”
“If you feel wronged, don’t cry in front of me.”
“……”
“It’s annoying, you crying.”
“…I got it.”
“I can’t stand the sight of it.”
You sure sound full of disgust. Na-Yool rolled her eyes and pursed her lips.
“I got it, isn’t it fine as long as I do not cry?”, she said with a shake of her head, promising not to cry in front of him lest he was too disgusted.
Si-Jin was sitting cross-legged in a nonchalant, detached manner, as if he had briefly sat by her side for a short work-related talk. Enough to doubt whether the hug ever really happened. He continued the conversation in a cold voice, staring straight ahead.
“It takes a second to drive someone mad.”
“……”
“You don’t even know that you’re swaying my mood around, making me stupidly beat myself up, do you?”
“…What do you…”
“Just a few tears from you, and I am sitting here feeling like the worst jerk in the world.”
“……”
“Like a fucking dumb person, I keep asking myself, what should I do if you cry, or in the first place, why are you crying, what made it so hard that…”
Si-Jin’s tone was still apathetic. However, Na-Yool could hear a slight resonance to her own distressed mood coming from it.
She looked blankly at his side face while he kept going.
“And there is so much more I feel guilty for. What a moron, did I say I would ‘handle it’? I am such a joke. If only you did not go through this predicament to begin with, maybe. But you already did, and all you could do was listening alone to a bunch of rotten bastards and all the fucking crap they had to say…”
“Mr. President, it has nothing to do with you in the first place. It is just me being unlucky, so why do you—”
“See, making me sway again.”
A self-deprecating smile drew on Si-Jin’s face. Anyone would feel skeptical about his expression, but Na-Yool could notice the subtle change.
“You said it has nothing to do with me.” Si-Jin said, as she struggled to retort.
“…I do not mean it in a bad way. But ultimately, it is my personal business… I do not want to wear you done with it. That is too shameful. I can’t stand your diligent attention to my matters, and hate to see you absurdly blame yourself like this. I feel like I’m making you pathetic… that’s why.”
“I already am.”
“You do not look like so at all, so no worry.”
“I feel like a rag.” [T/N: The word for “pathetic” can also mean “nasty/foul”, therefore the rag. I mentioned previously that “rag” is also slang for a man-slut, which explains Na-Yool’s comment just below :)]
“…Weird choice of word, but anyway, you are far from being one, so…”
“You’re not even doing it on purpose, yet I keep getting swayed around by you. I always had.” Si-Jin protested with his head oddly hung down in defeat. “To be honest, it still feels a little unfair. Aside from liking you, I feel like someone picked up some head rolling somewhere and fused it to mine. The way its brain thinks is so stupid that I can’t understand a thing.”
“……”
“The funny thing is that it doesn’t even compare to how I feel like shit right now.”
“……”
“I have never been not stupid facing you, but it’s the first time I have felt like such an incompetent bastard.”
“Can’t you think more normally? Just like everyone else…”
“You cried.”
You cried, so how could I think straight? Si-Jin stared at Na-Yool as the words left his mouth. She could not bare to meet his eyes.
“…You know, just act normal, appropriately pretend to not know each other, just not too much…”
“But I don’t like you ‘not too much’.”
“……”
Na-Yool’s face could not help but instantly heat up. His gaze was even stronger than the kiss or the hug she had feared being seen. Neither their fingers, not even a strand of their hair were in contact, yet his eyes seemed enough to entirely wrapped her close.
She finally felt his gaze shifting away from her.
“Do whatever you like.”
“……”
“If you would rather agree to settle, then do it. If you don’t want a civil lawsuit, let’s drop it all. If it’s too much thinking, then stop thinking about it. As long as you don’t pick up such trash calls.”
“……”
“It’s alright. No need to take only the legal way to screw this fucker over anyway.”
Despite her loud heartbeats, Na-Yool did not miss on how ominous Si-Jin’s words sounded. She squinted her eyes as he went on.
“If it distresses you more to keep proceeding with the accusation or indictment, then there is no point to it.”
“…Do you really think so?”
“Even without the law, there are plenty of reasonable ways left to deal with him.”
“……”
Go figures why it sounded like many meanings were hidden beneath. And definitely something a little more dangerous than the law.
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