Chapter 5: Peaks and Valleys
According to the feng shui master, the "ghost" shouldn't be sent away until after 9 PM.
Everyone else stayed overnight at the Chen residence, but Chen Wan went out in the rain to get his car. Cao Zhi also left, having hinted at his whereabouts, half-jokingly, at the dinner table. It was unclear if he was passing by or deliberately blocking Chen Wan.
"You weren't going to park the car that day, were you?"
It was a statement, not a question.
You don't need a six-figure suit to park a car. Chen Wan always returned to the Chen residence in a casual shirt and jeans, an outfit that showed no ambition or care for appearances, low-key and ordinary.
Chen Wan calmly glanced at him, then, calmly twisting the car keys, insisted, "I was just going to park the car."
Cao Zhi chuckled softly in the night, "Whatever you say."
Chen Wan kept up his polite act, bid farewell, and turned to leave.
In front of the security booth, someone had thrown a rusty dog chain.
Chen Wan stepped over it quickly, not glancing sideways, his heart calm.
He was no longer the young illegitimate child chained and humiliated like a dog.
The wealthy family might seem glamorous, but it was actually a pit of filth and depravity. The cruelty of the rich was beyond ordinary people's imagination.
Who would have thought that being born into such a family, Chen Wan had been chained near a dog hole, starving and barely clothed?
As a child, he had envied the beggars on the streets, at least they were free.
This hell on earth wasn't worth living.
Chen Wan's Volkswagen was lost among the luxury cars at the Chen residence. Only up close could you see the new scratches on the body, positioned low. He guessed it was the work of the boys who had bullied Judy earlier that evening.
He checked if the tires were punctured.
The rain began to pour again. Not wanting to wake anyone in the house, Chen Wan crouched down to check the tires before getting into the car.
Closing the car door, he felt deeply tired. He didn't turn on the lights, just leaned on the steering wheel until he could pull himself together.
Heavy raindrops pounded the windshield, and even in the enclosed cabin, he could hear the distant wind and waves, with palm leaves scraping against the windows.
Chen Wan lit a cigarette and took a few deep drags, finally feeling oxygen filling his lungs, easing the suffocating feeling from the rain and the night. His hand fumbled in the dark for the radio switch, turning it on to let some sound fill the space.
Cantonese golden oldies were playing, a collection of divas from the millennium.
"You live your life in happiness,
I struggle to survive.
Many stand atop the mountain, overlooking my weariness,
You define life,
I demean survival,
Only fit to linger in the valley, sorting out my chaos.
No end in sight, no grace bestowed, I am far from you."
The phone on the center console buzzed.
Chen Wan jolted awake, his fingers twitching and clenching as he struggled to answer.
"Good evening, Chen."
"Monica."
"Sorry for calling unexpectedly, but since you didn’t come for your follow-up last week, that prescription shouldn’t be used long-term, so I had to give you a call."
Last week, Chen Wan was preoccupied with Zhao Shengge's return and completely forgot, apologizing profusely: "Sorry, Monica, I messed up by missing the appointment. Just add last week’s fee to my bill—it’s on me."
Monica hesitated, sounding a bit helpless, "Chen, that’s not what I meant."
Her patient was deeply empathetic toward others but neglected himself.
But as a doctor, she couldn’t just let it slide: "Are you free these two days? Could you squeeze in a consultation? This is a critical stage of treatment, so it’s best not to interrupt."
Monica had been Chen Wan’s therapist for years. Chen Wan never believed he had psychological issues, but Zhuo Zhixuan noticed his friend acting strangely at times and occasionally revealed some crazy thoughts, so he introduced him to Monica.
Monica was Zhuo Zhixuan’s senior at Columbia University. Chen Wan didn’t pay much attention to his condition, but he didn’t want to let his friend down or inconvenience the doctor, so he said if it wasn’t a hassle, he could come right away.
Monica sighed in relief. Patients like Chen Wan, who appeared cooperative but weren’t, were the toughest to deal with. She said, "Alright, I’ll wait for you in the consultation room."
Worried she’d have to work late, Chen Wan sped through traffic and reached Tidou Street before ten. Monica handed him a glass of water and asked, "How’ve you been?"
Chen Wan seemed cooperative, recounting his recent situation and symptoms as usual. Monica performed a hypnosis session on him.
Under the medication’s influence, his true, pathological personality surfaced.
"I punctured their arteries."
Monica’s hand paused for a moment as she recorded, softly comforting the patient.
"Severed the right limb."
"The dog didn’t want to eat their bones."
His relaxed state led to chaotic speech, just a rapid, disjointed reflection of fragments from his subconscious.
"Bullet speed 6.8, could be faster."
"Overtime, very late."
After a while, Chen Wan said.
"He didn’t look over."
About twenty minutes later, Monica ended the hypnosis.
Monica was the only person besides Zhuo Zhixuan who knew about Chen Wan’s emotional state. Now that this name reappeared in the records, she said, "Chen, you didn’t tell me he’s back."
The bright fluorescent light made it clear to Chen Wan that Zhao Shengge was really back, not a hypnosis-induced dream or a mere data point from his EEGs and CT scans.
So he smiled and said, "Yes, he’s back."
Monica nodded, her eyes showing neither joy nor sorrow.
With this new development, Monica scheduled another psychological test for Chen Wan.
Since she took over, Chen Wan has transitioned from reactive depression to hidden depression, displaying many rare clinical symptoms. His mental state and behavior are complex and contradictory.
Most people would likely see him as considerate and gentle, but many tests have revealed his self-destructive behaviors. He uses a gentle demeanor and normal social etiquette to hide his misanthropic and rebellious side.
Despite his strong empathy, he ignores his own desires and needs.
He’s barely holding on to a somewhat stable state.
"Do you think his return will significantly affect our original treatment plan?"
Though Chen Wan doesn’t believe he’s ill, he takes others’ work seriously. After thinking it over, he replied cautiously, "Not much, I think."
"Why?" the doctor asked softly, fully aware of the weight of this name from years of understanding.
"My life probably won’t change much," Chen Wan said slowly, word by word. "The emotions you told me to track—happiness, sadness, satisfaction, resentment—are still mine. I control them."
"Let’s stick to the original plan. This doesn’t need to be a new factor or chance."
He spoke calmly, but Monica grew more worried, as it showed Chen Wan’s self-neglect and refusal to seek help.
She didn’t argue, instead suggesting tactfully, "Maybe we could—"
Chen Wan slowly but firmly shook his head. "My condition isn’t his fault, and—"
"I believe I can—and need to—fully control my emotions on my own."
"Please help me achieve that."
Monica didn’t push further. Chen Wan was her most determined patient—polite and cooperative, but also stubborn and hard to sway.
"Alright," she said, "I respect your decision, but I’d like you to take at least a week off if you can. I need to observe your condition more thoroughly and provide continuous therapy and training." People with self-destructive tendencies are hard to manage in the long run.
Chen Wan looked troubled. "Sorry, doctor, my schedule’s packed right now, and I can’t make time."
"If not a week, what about three days?"
"Not right now, but we can schedule it later."
Monica was silent for a moment, then sighed. "Then make sure to take your meds on time and keep up with your follow-ups."
Chen Wan agreed with a smile. He wasn’t avoiding treatment or deceiving the doctor, but Kexiang was vying for a new project, and Chen Wan had little time to rest, let alone sleep.
At 10 PM on Thursday, Chen Wan drove alone to the Porto Casino. Even on a weekday, the casino was packed.
Author's note:
Today’s golden song on Hong Kong Radio: "High Mountains and Low Valleys."