Chapter 55 Heart Pierced by a Thousand Arrows
Song Xu returned from his business trip five days later.
Just as he got off the highway, he received a call from Zhong Yu, asking to meet at the café upstairs in the Zhongzhan Meeting Building.
Dayun had successfully secured the suburban land plot, and with the project about to enter the development phase, Zhong Yu would no longer be overseeing it—she was going back to report. To thank Song Xu for his generosity over this period, she invited him for coffee.
She mentioned she should have treated him to a meal, but the memory of him leaving her alone at the restaurant last time had left such a shadow that she lost her appetite just thinking about it.
Song Xu readily agreed. By the time he arrived, Zhong Yu had been waiting for a while.
The café offered a stunning evening view. From high above, the bustling city spread out, and the hurried pedestrians below were visible. They sat in a great atmosphere, leisurely listening to the background bluesy jazz that perfectly accentuated the relaxed mood.
Zhong Yu took a sip of her coffee, gazed at the flickering neon lights outside, and sighed, "Shenjiang is so beautiful, but it lacks human warmth. I don’t think I’ll be coming back."
Song Xu had been on a business trip for five days without a single day off. Now, finally free from work discussions, he relaxed entirely, lazily crossing his legs, his tone somewhat casual. "Why?"
"You tell me," Zhong Yu retorted, shooting him a chiding look.
She was the strong, mature woman type, her black-framed glasses and professional wear lending her a mature, serious yet sensual charm. Behind the lenses, her beautiful eyes held a mix of reproach and anger, quite captivating.
Unfortunately, Song Xu had never been interested in her, not since their school days.
In truth, Zhong Yu had long known she wasn’t his type but held onto a sliver of hope, thinking it was just a lack of opportunity—after all, he had been with Zhu Qiwei back then. After all this time, when he was finally unattached, she stubbornly tried again, only for Wen Bairan to appear.
They say things shouldn’t be attempted more than three times, but that’s for those under thirty-five.
She was thirty-six now and didn’t have time to gamble another time.
The thought frustrated Zhong Yu, feeling as if Song Xu had gotten his way—he just wanted her to back off, and now he had his wish.
"I’m saying I give up, I won’t come back anymore. Happy?" she said.
Song Xu remained noncommittal; he didn’t see why he should feel happy or otherwise. Whether she came to Shenjiang made no difference to him. While having her in the same city made socializing more convenient, communication was so advanced now—what couldn’t be handled from afar? The only real change would be not knowing who Dayun would send to replace her.
P&T’s lab was ready to go, set to begin development at any moment. If Zhong Yu could represent Dayun here to oversee things, future collaborations would run more smoothly, sparing him the effort of dealing with others.
His words were downright shameless, as if he saw her only as a tool, with no personal sentiment whatsoever.
Yet, this was the truth, and Zhong Yu couldn’t get angry.
Her eyes behind the black frames stared at him for a long time before she said with a resigned sigh, utterly helpless. "Song Xu, has anyone ever told you you’re truly awful?"
The corner of Song Xu’s mouth quirked slightly. "I’ve heard similar."
But he never took such words to heart.
Zhong Yu knew this was just how he was and didn’t press about who had said it, only sharing her thoughts: "You’re sometimes too heartless toward women, cold and unfeeling!"
She huffed in anger. "Like right now, you know I’m interested in you—you could’ve said something comforting, so why refuse? If you’d been even slightly softer, said something nice, or not been so indifferent when I said I wouldn’t come back, I could’ve kept deluding myself. But you had to shut it down completely. How am I supposed to work with you after this?"
Song Xu didn’t understand. "How are these two things related? As long as you’re with Dayun, we’ll have chances to collaborate. You’ve seen how fast P&T is growing. Would you really give up P&T just because I didn’t reciprocate your feelings? That wouldn’t be wise. Zhong Yu, I’ve never seen you as someone who confuses personal and professional matters."
His brow furrowed slightly, as if genuinely regretting her potentially missing a career boost.
Zhong Yu paused, her tone clearly dejected: "Sometimes I really can’t tell if you’re feigning ignorance or if you really are."
Song Xu knew what she meant but refused to enter her game.
His unfazed demeanor was misleading. "I just think exploiting a woman’s feelings isn’t honorable."
"Honorable?" Zhong Yu laughed. "And what you’re saying now is honorable?"
"Also, don’t talk about feelings, and especially not women. You don’t understand any of it. If you did, even just a little, no one could resist you." She paused, her voice turning sharper: "Zhu Qiwei wouldn’t have married someone else either."
Song Xu’s expression darkened the moment she mentioned that name.
Zhong Yu seemed to want this reaction; his relaxed posture tensed up a bit. "At least I’ve been honest."
Zhong Yu scoffed. "Honesty isn’t what women want."
"Then what do they want?"
Is it money, houses, cars?
He had all these material things and had offered them, but she refused.
Song Xu never used to doubt himself, but lately he’d begun wondering: he gets lonely, hurt, pain—so why did they all think he had no emotions?
Even if he didn’t, he was already like this when they met. So why did Zhu Qiwei ultimately say he’d changed?
He had never changed.
He’d never spoken these thoughts to anyone.
He didn’t plan to today either, but he unexpectedly thought of Wen Bairan, of what she’d asked on her birthday.
How was he supposed to prove he loved her?
Zhong Yu hadn’t expected this question either, her eyes widening in surprise. "You don’t know how to love someone?"
Song Xu said seriously, "I thought I did, but now I’m not sure."
He was earnest.
So earnest that Zhong Yu had to pause to consider—she felt he genuinely needed a clear answer.
"Let me think."
Song Xu had no objections.
It was only eight; he had plenty of time.
Wen Bairan didn’t know he was back today. They hadn’t communicated much lately; occasional evening calls found her distracted.
Something must have happened. Xiang Sun mentioned she’d been leaving work early these past few days, as if rushing somewhere.
Her life was simple—work and home, a two-point routine. Qiao Yi was busy with her love life lately and hadn’t had time to meet up.
Where could she be going?
He looked thoughtfully out the window.
Across from him, Zhong Yu noticed he was suddenly deep in thought and asked curiously, "Are you thinking of someone right now?"
Song Xu looked back, putting his cup down, not understanding. "Does that have to do with what you’re thinking about?"
"Of course it is!"
Zhong Yu said that loving someone means considering their feelings, observing their preferences, and thinking about them all the time.
Song Xu pondered this and did not deny it. "Can you be more specific?"
Beyond that, there was nothing else.
The love of ordinary people couldn't be applied to Song Xu. His good upbringing and gentlemanly conduct naturally gave him qualities that mimicked love—insight, respect, and gentleness. No one was immune to being taken in by that facade, not even Zhu Qiwei was an exception.
But only after actually getting to know him would one realize that, to him, no one was truly special.
His greatest love was always himself.
It was precisely because Zhu Qiwei saw through him that she decided to leave back in the day.
Their romance in school had been intense and whirlwind. Before even meeting Song Xu, Zhong Yu had been moved by the forum post titled "Standing Up for His Girlfriend." Though they had never met, she silently developed an unexplainable soft spot for this man who would go to such lengths for his girlfriend.
It wasn’t until years later, when she met both parties involved in the story and learned that the post was just a made-up love story concocted by people close to them, that she began to truly get a real sense of Song Xu’s cold selfishness.
Zhu Qiwei told her that Song Xu hadn’t intervened purely for her sake: the German professor was scheduled to teach his class the next semester, and he simply had a habit of snuffing out any possible trouble before it started.
In other words, even without Zhu Qiwei, Song Xu would have done the same thing.
It just happened to be her—someone who had dated him in high school and was in a tough spot then.
For those three years, everyone thought they were deeply in love, that Song Xu was madly in love with her. But only Zhu Qiwei knew clearly that it was always about himself.
"You definitely can’t understand how it feels to be the only sane one in a madhouse, when everyone else is caught up in your courageous, romantic story. Few people could comprehend that. If she hadn’t had nobody else to turn to at the time, she would never have told me these things. No woman would willingly admit to a possible competitor that her boyfriend doesn’t love her."
The more Zhong Yu had envied Zhu Qiwei back then, the more she later pitied her—Zhu Qiwei had deeply loved the boy who got her out of that dorm situation, yet she understood that the trophy-holding Song Xu didn’t love her most. She fought for him and tried everything. She made every change she could for him, attempting to rise in his esteem, until she finally realized, when backed into a corner: no matter how she changed, Song Xu would never change.
"When she brought up marriage, she knew you would choose your career. She never said you couldn’t pursue what you wanted, did she? She just wanted proof—proof that everything she did during those three years had stirred you even slightly, and that you’d be willing to rearrange the order of career and marriage in your heart for that slight feeling of being touched. And you? What did you do?"
The brightly lit room was filled with melodious music, and exquisite cups, dishes, and bowls shone enticingly under the dazzling light.
Song Xu’s coolly handsome features and detached air naturally suited such a high-class setting. Even as his expression grew darker, with not a trace of light in his narrow eyes, Zhong Yu remained captivated, admiring his brooding magnetism.
Whether in the past or now, she always believed his most charming quality was this peak selfishness.
Every man for himself, or heaven and earth will crush you.
Without harming those around him, Song Xu lived by this creed to the fullest.
After a long silence, he said, "She never told me any of this."
From beginning to end, Zhu Qiwei never let on she was uneasy or doubtful. If he had known she felt this way, he would have given her a reasonable explanation.
Zhong Yu chuckled dryly, unsure whether she was laughing at his continued coldness or at Zhu Qiwei and herself. One of them took three years to see this man clearly, while the other still clung to illusions.
"How could she have told you? Song Xu, not everyone can be as fearless as you. Emotions aren’t as taken for granted as you think. She had her pride, and you have your stubbornness. She wouldn’t use her self-respect to strong-arm you, and you wouldn’t change your convictions for her. If you couldn’t even give that ground of marrying her first, how could she continue to deceive herself into believing you loved her?"
On this point, Zhong Yu understood Zhu Qiwei very well and also knew why she’d rather choose someone who didn’t measure up to Song Xu in every way than continue wasting time with him.
When the love she imagined shattered, leaving not a trace of warmth, she could only clutch at any chance to be loved—regardless of where it would take her or whether it would last, she just wanted to escape Song Xu first.
He could never understand that kind of agony of heartbreak.
Zhong Yu took a deep breath, relieved for Zhu Qiwei’s liberation and for her own decision to finally let go of any illusions about him. She looked at Song Xu’s breathtakingly superior face and said with a light laugh, "It’s all in the past now. Zhu Qiwei has found her happiness. Her husband loves her deeply, and I’m sure you’ve heard she’s already pregnant with her third child."
Song Xu didn’t know.
After their breakup, Zhu Qiwei blocked all his contact information, and he didn’t bother to check up on her. Ten years had passed since they parted, and he had long lost track of her news.
"Anyway, Song Xu, remember this: the wheel of fortune turns. When one day you understand Zhu Qiwei’s feelings through someone else, I hope you remember you owe her an apology."
"I hope you run into that person sooner rather than later."
Song Xu frowned.
Was that a blessing? It sounded almost like a curse.
Zhong Yu had an early flight the next morning and still needed to pack tonight.
They took the elevator down together, and before parting, Song Xu offered to give her a ride.
Zhong Yu declined, saying she’d call a car.
She smiled and said, "What, now that I’m about to go, you realize you’re in love with me?"
Song Xu raised an eyebrow and said bluntly, "There’s still a question you haven’t answered me."
"What question?"
How does one know if they’re in love?
Zhong Yu tightened her scarf against the cold wind, paused, and said, "For you, I suppose it’s when you think about her more than you think about yourself."
Think about her more than yourself.
Long after Zhong Yu left, these words lingered in Song Xu’s mind.
//
It was raining.
Each autumn rain grew colder than the last.
He stood under the Zhongzhan Building, looking up. The endless dark blue sky above resembled a still sea, while rain fell like silver needles in the streetlight.
One needle pricked the corner of his eye.
He closed his eyes and lowered his head.
Taking out his phone, he called Wen Bairan.
"Where are you?"
She said home, then paused and asked, "You’re back?"
"Mm."
She said, "That’s perfect. I want to see you."
Song Xu said, "Me too."
The person on the phone paused.
The man’s voice on the phone carried an unexpectedly magnetic quality, tinged with a faint sorrow, and a lonely feeling that seemed to drift through the phone to Wen Bairan with the deep autumn wind.
She asked with concern, "What's wrong with you, Song Xu?"
He didn't know what was wrong with himself either—he just really wanted to see her.
He wanted to embrace her, kiss her, and be completely open with her.
He wanted to lose himself in passion with her.
Once this crazy thought arose, it couldn't be stopped, spreading through him like creeping vines.
He had never wanted anyone this badly before.
Turning around, he quickly headed toward his car and blurted out into the phone, "Be ready—I'm picking you up in twenty."
…